Hockey’s free agent frenzy got off to a blazing start yesterday, but did so without the signing of the NHL’s marquee target Ilya Kovalchuk.

While many assumed this was because the Russian sniper may have overplayed his hand or set up a bidding war between teams, ITB’s investigative reporting team discovered he has actually been working for the Russian government attempting to fill the gap left by the arrest of nearly a dozen spies this week.

ITB was initially tipped off that something was amiss when the New Jersey Devils introduced Ruskie McMoneybags as a signing alongside Anton Volchenkov and Henrik Tallinder Friday morning.  McMoneybags, an unknown talent to this point, bared a striking resemblance to Kovalchuk only with an Art Garfunkel wig and Tom Selick novelty mustache on.

“No, no, I have been in Russian prison to keep my hockey talents from the world,” McMoneybags said when asked about resemblance. “I broke free yesterday, just in time for NHL free agency. I admire this Ilya Kovalchuk for his handsomeness and super skills though. I’m sure he’ll turn up before you know it. Wink.”

“Why did you just say wink?” a reporter asked.

“I did not. I said clink. Like making toast to great state of United America.”

And how did he get to the states so quickly, one reporter asked.

“Turboblaster speedboat. I built in prison,” he said.

And why did his mustache have a tag hanging from it that says Party City?

“Wow well yawn and such, I have had long day, I need to get back to learning American language and not being Russian spy. This USA sure is swell like the gangbusters. Go hot dogs, goodnight,” the nervous looking McMoneybags said before walking off stage.

When pressed on the subject later through phone communications, Kovalchuk eventually admitted through a poorly worded pig-latin text message he was working for the Russian government and needed to blend in as an American.

“Russian government can call on you to fulfill your mandatory spy time whenever they like,” he said. “They send you a kit, well, they send you a DVD of Get Smart with Steve Carrell with a post it on it that says ‘do like this but good.’”

Kovalchuk, err, McMoneybags said he doesn’t expect this to interfere with his NHL season.

“Telling a reporter illegal activities has never led to anything bad in Russia. Just dead reporter,” he said. “Now eat the soup I’m having sent to your house please.”