Pittsburgh, PA – Mike Lange, radio voice of the Pittsburgh Penguins, is in critical but stable condition Monday morning after being attacked by a wild Penguins fan who attempted to actually scratch his back with a hacksaw. Lang, 63, was attacked late Saturday night while leaving RBC Center in Raleigh, North Carolina after broadcasting the [...]
Philadelphia Flyers defenseman Chris Pronger, widely reported to be injured this week, has actually been healthy, but has refused to leave his team’s defensive zone in Tampa Bay in an ongoing “Occupy Tampa” protest of the Lightning’s stifling trap system, ItB has learned. Pronger has apparently not moved from what was the Flyers defensive zone in a [...]
Dustin Byfuglien admitted today that he used Kyle Wellwood as a constant comparison while undergoing physicals for the Winnipeg Jets, making him seem much thinner and better conditioned than he actually is. “I just had him stand next to me the entire time,” Byfuglien said. “(Team physicians) took one look at that tanker truck with [...]
The city of Winnipeg was excitedly preparing to accomplish something it had for the last 15 years early Tuesday — to not field a team in the NHL playoffs in the upcoming season. By all accounts, the NHL is expected to announce today that Winnipeg will soon be the new home of the Atlanta Thrashers, [...]
Washington Capitals superstar Alexander Ovechkin was cleaning out his locker this morning, fresh from his team being swept from the playoffs by the Tampa Bay Lightning, when a reporter asked a question. “Alex, does this mean the Russian machine has broken?” Ovechkin glared. “Russian machine never breaks, just poorly designed. Like Pinto.” The question came [...]
After a six-month long study, a team of researchers have concluded that Montreal Canadiens defenseman P.K. Subban is, in fact, responsible for most of the bad things that have occurred in history since his birth. “Science doesn’t lie,” said Dr. Jerimiah Gromley, who conducted the study. “And science tells us, almost unequivocally, that most terrible [...]
The hero of Saturday night’s Winter Classic will have plenty of time to celebrate after the NHL suspended him for the remainder of the season Monday morning, claiming he violated the narrative the league had meticulously laid out for its marquee game. After being a healthy scratch twice in the games leading up to Saturday, [...]
In what appears to be a publicity stunt gone awry, Atlanta is being held hostage by the crazed mascot of a sports team no one in the city appears to have heard of. Calling himself Thrash, the cartoonish bird has claimed he will murder one Atlantan every day until an alleged sports team called the [...]
Washington Capitals star Alexander Ovechkin claimed last night that he has discovered the reason behind Pittsburgh Penguin star center Sidney Crosby’s torrid scoring pace (50 points in 30 games) compared to his own numbers (only 35 points in 30 games). The revelation came moments after the Capitals’ game against the Panthers and media had gathered [...]
The Carolina Hurricanes are accusing the Calgary Flames of sending the wrong Sutter in this week’s trade, claiming instead of Brett Sutter they received an asthmatic, obese man named Jed Sutter. Hurricanes GM Jim Rutherford said he thought he had sent defenseman Anton Babchuk and forward Tom Kostopoulos to the Flames for defenseman Ian White [...]
