SAN JOSE, CA.: The morning after the Detroit Red Wings miracle comeback was stimied by the San Jose Sharks, the team received even more bad news. NHL Disciplinarian Colin Campbell informed Wings GM Ken Holland early this morning that both Jiri Hudler and Dan Cleary have been suspended for the start of the 2011-2012 season, [...]
Kyle Wellwood held a news conference this morning to say that it was “total crap” that his #kylewellwoodissothin meme, launched last week, never took off. “Twitter is bullshit,” Wellwood said while eating a pint of ice cream. “I’m not fucking fat. I weigh 180 pounds. Just ask this cardboard cutout of a doctor I get [...]
NHL Deputy Commissioner Colin Campbell decides how many game a player committing a head shot or blind side hit will be suspended by asking the victimized player how many fingers he sees Campbell holding up afterwards, ItB has learned. “Yea. We did a lot of research and it works pretty well. By that I mean [...]
Ah yes, welcome to week two of Intent To Blow’s Season Previews for the Class of 2010-2011. Remember the awkward photographs and general embarrassment of your high school yearbook’s Superlatives section? Yeah. That sucked and was probably incredibly embarrassing if you “won” one of those awards. So, because the awkwardness of high school just wasn’t [...]
Detroit Red Wings team officials cried foul today after reports surfaced that the San Jose Sharks had replaced annual playoff disappointment Joe Thornton with Volstad, the Russian hockey playing bear for their second round playoff series. Multiple reports stated that Volstad, whose celebrity exceeds Alexander Ovechkin in his native Russia, had been snuck into the [...]
A massive manhunt for San Jose Sharks’ star Joe Thornton was officially called off after a Colorado Avalanche buried him this week, marking the fifth straight year the talented center has gone missing during the early spring. “While we had some hope of finding Joe after his team managed an overtime win during game two [...]
The San Jose Sharks announced Friday that they have hired Olympic curler John Shuster as a Special Adviser on the Choking Arts with an eye towards “the most epic playoff meltdown the world has ever seen.” Shuster is captain of the US Olympic Curling team, which currently sits at 0-4 in round robin play. It’s [...]
