Days after post-Stanley Cup riots ravaged downtown Vancouver, Police Chief Jim Chu announced Friday afternoon believe blame actually rests with one man – P.K. Subban. In a news conference, Chu reiterated there was no way any Vancouver Canucks fans could possibly be involved in the riots, stating that it was all an elaborate plot carried [...]
The New York Rangers have called for a ban on “hockey plays” after Boston Bruins defenseman and Green Giant Peas spokesman Zdeno Chara broke Ryan Callahan’s leg with a slap shot Monday night. Callahan, the team’s second leading scorer, is out indefinitely. His injury a major blow to the Rangers, who are gearing up for [...]
Montreal officials say recent intelligence suggests that Montreal Canadiens fans may stop rioting for long enough during tonight’s game against the Boston Bruins that they can move the city and its non-hockey crazed residents to another location. The officials, who spoke on a condition of anonymity because they don’t exist, said that an unusual lull [...]
After a six-month long study, a team of researchers have concluded that Montreal Canadiens defenseman P.K. Subban is, in fact, responsible for most of the bad things that have occurred in history since his birth. “Science doesn’t lie,” said Dr. Jerimiah Gromley, who conducted the study. “And science tells us, almost unequivocally, that most terrible [...]
The NHL has permanently banned the stanchion that knocked Montreal Canadians forward Max Pacioretty unconscious Tuesday at the Bell Centre, saying its conduct has no place in hockey and has embarrassed all upright bars that support other objects. “We deeply regret the actions of the stanchion in Tuesday’s game,” NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman said in [...]
Update: 2:19 pm. — In a whirlwind of activity, sources tell ItB that Taro Tsujimoto has been traded back to the Buffalo Sabres for the trademark rights to the Sabres “electric slug” logo. “After we got pegged with the angry tree during the Guardian Project we made the decision to switch things up,” Burke said. [...]
Nashvilles Predator forward Sergei Kostitsyn filed a police report late Monday night claiming his early season woes are a direct result of his brother, Andrei, stealing his identity as an elite NHL scorer. In the report, the Belarus native claims Andrei Kostitsyn stole his social security number, credit cards, his Montreal criminal gang street cred [...]
We’re back with another edition of ItB’s Class of 2010-2011 Season Previews, which can only mean one thing: VERSUS is getting ready to roll out another crappy commercial featuring Sidney Crosby, some semblance of an ice rink, and maybe a shot of Chris Simpson’s cougar-cleavage. Today, the Northeast Division goes under the microscope. Now if [...]
The Montreal Canadians have contacted the St. Louis Blues, saying “they totally swear” they meant to trade the midwestern NHL team goaltender Carey Price and not Jaroslav Halak. “It’s the damndest thing,” said Canadians General Manager Pierre Gauthier in a letter to the Blues. “We got their numbers mixed up. It’s a simple mistake, kind [...]
Hours after drawing thousands of people out to a farewell autograph signing in Montreal, newly-inked St. Louis Blues goaltender Jaroslav Halak was seen doing one last favor for Habs fans: teaching Carey Price how to stand on his head. Halak took the starting job from Price late last season before leading the Canadians on a [...]
