With summer entering its waning months, one thing is certain: The Boston Bruins are probably still hungover. What’s more is that a new season is inching ever closer and that means it’s prediction time! For the sake of hockey withdrawal, Intent to Blow has compiled a two part series: a list of ten things that will [...]
August 1, 2011 | Posted in
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Vancouver Canucks star forward Ryan Kesler had his name etched on the Stanley Cup last night after lurking into the Boston Bruins Stanley Cup celebration following their game 7 victory over his team. Kesler, a repeat lurker, evidently stashed a Bruins jersey on the Canucks bench, put it on after the game ended and joined [...]
The Boston Bruins have secured a permit to hold a carnival on Vancouver’s seawall showcasing the NHL’s greatest goaltender implosions, a move that could seriously jeopardize Roberto Luongo’s plan to clear his mind ahead of game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Luongo, who says he walks along the scenic sea wall to clear his [...]
In what will surely be viewed as a retaliation for Aaron Rome’s late hit that ended Nathan Horton’s season last night, the Boston Bruins announced that a 1,400-pound Kodiak bear will replace him in the lineup. “We feel Mr. Sprinkles, on loan from the Russian National Circus, will give us the grit and fire we [...]
Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced today that with Vancouver’s hockey fandom reaching an irritating fever pitch, he has formally signed paperwork to make the city it’s own country and later sent out to sea. “Look, we’ve already got the Habs. We ain’t getting rid of them and we don’t need another fanbase like them. [...]
The New York Rangers have called for a ban on “hockey plays” after Boston Bruins defenseman and Green Giant Peas spokesman Zdeno Chara broke Ryan Callahan’s leg with a slap shot Monday night. Callahan, the team’s second leading scorer, is out indefinitely. His injury a major blow to the Rangers, who are gearing up for [...]
Montreal officials say recent intelligence suggests that Montreal Canadiens fans may stop rioting for long enough during tonight’s game against the Boston Bruins that they can move the city and its non-hockey crazed residents to another location. The officials, who spoke on a condition of anonymity because they don’t exist, said that an unusual lull [...]
The NHL has permanently banned the stanchion that knocked Montreal Canadians forward Max Pacioretty unconscious Tuesday at the Bell Centre, saying its conduct has no place in hockey and has embarrassed all upright bars that support other objects. “We deeply regret the actions of the stanchion in Tuesday’s game,” NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman said in [...]
Toronto Maple Leafs defenseman Tomas Kaberle is ready to elevate his game. Kaberle’s agent, Rick Curran, said the always-rumored-to-be-traded rearguard has engineered plans to have the most infuriating, mind-bendingly complex set of trade deadline rumors in the history of the NHL. “Let’s face it, the summer was disappointing. Tomas’ name only appeared in trade rumors [...]
The much ballyhooed 1st meeting between Boston Bruins star Marc Savard and Pittsburgh Penguins agitator Matt Cooke was dampened before it even started tonight, when Savard told a group of reporters he can’t remember Cooke doing anything that would make him dislike the bruising winger. Savard was knocked loopy by a high hit from Cooke [...]