Nashvilles Predator forward Sergei Kostitsyn filed a police report late Monday night claiming his early season woes are a direct result of his brother, Andrei, stealing his identity as an elite NHL scorer. In the report, the Belarus native claims Andrei Kostitsyn stole his social security number, credit cards, his Montreal criminal gang street cred [...]
Eager to set disciplinary precedents for the new season, the NHL today announced that the act of mimicking oral sex is equally as bad as knocking a man who isn’t looking unconscious and potentially leaving him with lifelong health problems. The league suspended New York Islanders defenseman James Wisniewski two games for, well, ‘Intent to Blow’ after he [...]
The Montreal Canadians have contacted the St. Louis Blues, saying “they totally swear” they meant to trade the midwestern NHL team goaltender Carey Price and not Jaroslav Halak. “It’s the damndest thing,” said Canadians General Manager Pierre Gauthier in a letter to the Blues. “We got their numbers mixed up. It’s a simple mistake, kind [...]
Holy crap, we’re almost there. After a summer that has seemed longer than the two lockouts combined, in just a scant few weeks the NHL will be back in full swing and we will all FINALLY be able to bask in the warming glow of that sport we all love: Curling Hockey. Thank Don Cherry’s [...]
U.S. President Barack Obama announced that he is seriously considering putting an end to the month of September after a petition signed by 47,934 hockey fans threatened mass suicide if the NHL regular season didn’t begin later this week. “President Obama has been apprised of a serious situation threatening the lives of countless Americans and Canadians, who [...]
The Detroit Red Wings have a new foe in the fight to tarnish the legacy of former Dallas Star Mike Modano: 87-year-old Herb Lumpkin. While the Red Wings are considered the favorites to land the aging veteran — who is rumored to be pondering retirement — Lumpkin has been seen in recent days wining and [...]
It’s on. Moments after Spain defeated the Netherlands to claim their first ever World Cup, the party was crashed by the defending Stanley Cup champion Chicago Blackhawks. As the World Cup trophy was passed to the players for the winning side Sunday afternoon, the lights cut out and the opening strains of Chelsea Dagger played [...]
It’s never too early to start a new drought. The Chicago Blackhawks began a fire sale of their Stanley Cup heroes this week, and while many assumed it was due to salary cap issues, team officials were insistent that they were preparing ‘Hawks fans for another four decades of misery and losing. Dustin Byfuglien, Ben [...]
Moments after the Chicago Blackhawks won their first cup in nearly 50 years, the sigh of relief released from Boston Bruins and New Jersey Devils fans caused a change in weather patterns so severe scientists say it may not be equalled in modern history. A rapid change in the prevailing wind patterns caused blackouts across much [...]
Chicago Blackhawks forward Dustin Byfuglien, responding to mountains of discussion on the pronunciation of his last name during this year’s playoffs, told reporters in a press conference Tuesday that his name is actually pronounced “Smith.” “I just wanted to clear the air. It’s a little known Minnesota dialect,” Byfuglien said. “Where I come from ‘byfug’ makes [...]
