The New Jersey Devils’ upper brass are growing frantic after realizing IKEA failed to include assembly instructions for several of its Swedish players, putting the team’s season jeopardy before it begins. Hours ahead of a pre-season battle with the New York Rangers, the Devils coaching staff were scrambling to figure out how to put together [...]
New Jersey Devils GM Lou Lamoriello, fresh off his team winning the draft lottery, was reluctant to answer questions about his team’s baffling draft victory Wednesday, saying little more than he “took care of it,” reporters “shouldn’t worry about it” and later, “you want I should break your thumbs?” The Devils won the lottery Tuesday [...]
Zach Parise is on the comeback trail – but that trail doesn’t include games against the Islanders or Flyers. The injured Devils forward announced Wednesday that he would skip games against the two division rivals – games the Devils must win if they have any dying hope of making the playoffs – in favor of [...]
The New Jersey Devils, riding high amid a 6-0-1 streak to start the second half of the season, were rattled to the core Monday morning when a season ticket holder informed them the season had actually started nearly four months ago. Newark resident Fred Callahan, on a locker room tour following Monday morning’s practice, was [...]
Police arrested the entire roster of the New Jersey Devils Thursday night following their 4-2 loss to the Philadelphia Flyers after mistaking them for the Russian World Junior Team, who have been drunkenly terrorizing people around the east coast since defeating Canada earlier this week. “We had an inkling in the third period when they [...]
Lou Lamoriello once again shot down speculation that he would fire Devils coach John MacLean after a 7-1 drubbing at the hands of the Atlanta Thrashers Saturday night, stating he “wants to see where MacLean is going with this.” “I’m not sure but I think he might be really trying to lull the league into a [...]
The city of Philadelphia became so powerfully awful late Monday night that an Intent to Blow reporter was forced to halt writing what was sure to be an instant comedy classic just to shield the world from a barrage of hate bullets forming in his brain that could have destroyed the Eastern Seaboard. Shortly before [...]
Ilya Kovalchuk was given formal notice from New Jersey Devils coach John MacLean this morning that he has been cut from his team — the Die Hard Destroyers of the Devils alumni fantasy league. “The Devils may be stuck with him, but that doesn’t mean I have to be,” MacLean said following the decision. “Look [...]
Unable to help his team on the ice, injured New Jersey Devils star Zach Parise says he plans to place a deep focus on building up his Call of Duty: Black Ops chops in the coming months, which he believes will give him a leg up in contract negotiations this summer. “Ovechkin, Crosby, those guys [...]
The New Jersey Devils submitted a formal request to have Ilya Kovalkchuk’s 15-year $100 million contract voided Friday, calling it a massive prank the team’s leadership had been pulling on the league. Devils owner Jeff Vanderbeek said in an interview Friday the joke had gone on long enough, it was time to end Kovalchuk’s contract. [...]