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Bob Gainey stepped down from his post as Canadiens GM to focus on fighting Canada's recent poutine crisis.
Bob Gainey stepped down as General Manager of the Montreal Canadiens Monday, citing eastern Canada’s recent poutine shortage as reason for his departure.
“Canada needs me,” said Gainey via a team spokesperson. “This poutine crisis goes beyond the Montreal Canadiens and strikes at the heart of all things Quebecois – indeed, all things Canadian.”
Gainey, who left the reigns of the sixth-place Canadiens to assistant GM Pierre Gauthier, also announced the formation of a new non-profit organization, the Poutine Revitalization Fund. “The PRF will work hand-in-hand with local restauranteurs, potato farmers, and wherever the hell brown gravy comes from to ensure all channels of producing poutine are open and flowing clearly,” said Gainey.
Canucks forward Kyle Wellwood and Devils goaltender Martin Brodeur have both already made significant contributions to the Poutine Revitalization Fund, Gainey said. “Mr. Wellwood and Mr. Brodeur’s generous donations are greatly appreciated by the PRF, but much work remains. That’s why I’ve decided to leave the Montreal Canadiens, as there’s just not enough time in the day to fix this poutine problem and run a hockey club at the same time.”
Poutine, a dish consisting of french fries smothered in brown gravy and cheese curd, is a diner staple throughout Canada – that is, until recently. In the past week, diners in Vancouver, Montreal, Toronto, and Ottawa have seen startlingly low supplies of the greasy delicacy. The shortages have roughly followed the path of the Vancouver Canucks recent road trip, leading some to suggest that the crisis is a direct result of Wellwood’s eating habits.
Poutine is friggin’ tasty. Know where they serve real ones? I’ve found diners around here serve them up with liquid cheese instead of fresh cheese curds. It’s probably not hard to make for oneself, but I’d like to order it in a restaurant setting and call the waiter/waitress “garcòn”.
I’ve made poutine before. Just did it this weekend, actually. I love it, but then again, I’ve only had my version of it, not the “real thing”. (The gravy is supposedly something special you can only get in Canada — I just use regular brown gravy — and they say you’re supposed to cook the fries in lard rather than oil.)
Also, disco fries are an American bastardization of poutine and should not be accepted as a poutine substitute. They are two different dishes and should be treated as such.
I’d like to think that disco fries are not a bastardization, but a distinctly Jersey take on the Canadian dish. Like a remix, only with mozz.